...i shall return

My heart sank to the bottom of the sea once I’ve heard a plane that was flying from Malaysia to United Kingdom crashed after less than 24 hours of flight from the radio. It was something about a group of terrorist trying to take other the plane but ended up losing control of the plane and had made the plane crash. There were about 200 passengers on the plane, out of the 200 people, 58 were badly injured while the others died. Among the 142 dead passengers, one of them is my fiancé, Patrick.

Patrick and I first met was when we where only 13 years old in a tuition centre. Though, we only spoke after 4 years. He was smart, hardworking, and a gentleman. He did not have a muscular hunks body like superman nor a super handsome cute looking face or is the most popular guy in school, what that attracts me about him is his charm and dazzling personality. He knows when to be funny and when to be serious. Patrick was same age as me but he was fairly mature for his age.

We started off with simple conversation about youth camps, homework, exams and church stuffs. Our friendship gets closer when we both were chosen to join a band for an upcoming competition. He was the bassist and I was a singer. It was fun working with the band, there were ups and downs but overall we enjoyed ourselves. I remember on our 4th practice, I started looking at him while he was playing the bass. I was supposed to be hyped up with the low, loud noise but strangely I didn’t. His serious and concentrating look makes me feel calm and curious. This feeling was indescribable. It was like there was a mystery in this world that I need to solve.

Yes, it is true that it wasn’t love at first sight. Our feelings had been mould many times by God. Our band broke up after winning 3rd in the competition because we were all busy with our SPM. It was a crucial year for all of us. From then on, I only met him in tuition and our conversation had narrowed down to only about homework. Nothing more, nothing less. Sometimes we never spoke at all. It was probably the pressure of SPM that makes student tends to be more serious in class.

Time flew, it was December and it was freedom after SPM for a few months. I was very busy with my church camp as I was the committee. It was a lot of hard work checking out the camp site, working with the leaders and making sure that everything works well on those 4 days 3 night camp. As we were from different churches, he was also busy with his own church events. So basically, I have not heard from him ever since SPM started.

It was Christmas and as usual, I went to church for Christmas service like every other year. Anyway, I met Patrick on MSN while I was browsing through the internet in the evening. I started a conversation by wishing him Merry Christmas, he replied and we chatted for about an hour long. Before we both offline, we agreed to hang out in Sunway Pyramid the next day. He came and picked me up with his red Proton Gen2 at 10 am in the morning. There was no silence on the whole half hour journey; we were having too much fun debating about our SPM result that will be out soon. He finally gave in to me after walking into the cinema.

We ordered two sodas and shared a box of popcorn while watching a Korean horror movie. The movie started off fine but once it reaches the climax, Patrick was smiling all the way because he was amused by my reaction. I used my finger to close my ears and sometimes I put my feet up to hug my legs because I was scared. After the movie, he was laughing and teasing me while we were having our lunch in Manhattan Fish Restaurant. We went ice skating after that, I hesitated at first because I can’t skate. I finally agreed to try learning from him. I almost fell a few times but Thank God he was there to catch me before I did.

We left Sunway at 5pm and I was tired, so I slept the whole journey back while he drove. He patted my shoulder once we reach Klang. I thank him for the wonderful day because I really had fun hanging out with him and I told him that we should do it again. He smiled and said that he would love too but he can’t, at least not for the next 3 months. He was selected to participate in the first badge of National Service and he is leaving tomorrow. I was devastated, I just met him back after one month and now he is going away for 3 whole months. God! Are you playing games with me! I was heart broken but I manage to put myself together just to give him one last smile, thank you and good bye. Somehow, I felt that he was sad too and faked the smile he gave me. He watched me walk in my house safely. I watched him drove off through my window. My tears flowed from my eyes, drop by drop.

I tried to call him just to know where he had been placed but every try, I fail, is either the phone was busy or no one answered. I can’t sleep that night, so I went online to see if he will online before going off for NS. I waited and waited but negative. Finally, a voice told me to move on with my life, it’s only 3 months. I listened and started applying for a job as a temporary teacher or a librarian. Just after 2 weeks, I was called to be an assistant librarian in my ex school. I worked hard just to get my mind off him; all these hard works paid off by getting a pay rise and was awarded ‘Pekerja Cemerlang’ within only 2 months. I quitted my job on the day I took my result; I have to get ready for collage. I scored 9A’s and a B. my results was better than I expected, I was happy but I can’t seems to shout like how I did for my PMR result with 6A’s in 2 years ago.

While I was walking out, suddenly I saw a guy sitting on my car. I was furious and took my pepper spray out wanted to spray him in the eye. As I got closer, I saw a familiar figure, it was Patrick’s figure. It couldn’t be, he should still be in NS. Once he stood up and smile at me, I know for sure that it was him. He walked towards me with a bunch of roses and a gift box. Once he was close enough for me to clearly look at him, I realized that he had become darker and more muscular. “Will you be my girlfriend?” he asked. I was still quite unhappy because he didn’t even call me once while he was in National Service. So I wanted to disappoint him a little. “Mr. Patrick Chase Matthew, you left me alone for two and the half months and now you’re back asking me to go steady with you!” he smiled and said “I’ll take that as a yes.” I smiled back and we hugged. Although my little trick didn’t worked on him but I’m glad that he was back. He got off NS early because he had already got a place in collage to do architecture. He scored straight A’s in SPM. I took up Early Child Education because of my interest. Our life may be different but that was what had made it interesting.

Our relationship lasted for 8 years and we got engaged at the age of 26, planning to get married in 5 months time but something came up. Patrick’s job needs him to be in United Kingdom to check out the architecture of some building. He had to be there at least 6 months. Definitely, I was disappointed but it was his job and I have to understand and respect it. I went to the airport and stayed with him until the last minute.

The next day, while I was on my way to work and was stuck in traffic, the radio reported about the plane from Malaysia to UK had crashed early that morning. I was shocked and hoping that it was a big joke. I turned back and drove to the airport to confirm that if it was the flight that Patrick was in. I hinted rock bottom after the manager nodded his head. I couldn’t believe it, I have so many things that I have not tell Patrick. He promised me that he will hurry back and to say the vows with me. The knife in my heart was pushed even deeper than any other hurt that I have faced. The last few words that I had heard from him were “I shall return”.


its my essay, not my real life story.